Michelle Obama: A Bigger Mouth than a Hooker Short on Rent Money

Michelle Malkin has the transcript of the Obama-rama interview, where His Royal Idiotness tells people to stop being mean to his precious wife Michelle Obama.

Let’s face it. Michelle Obama has a problem with foot-in-mouth disease. In fact, her complete and utter inability to keep her mouth closed rivals that of a 12-year-old with Tourette’s. Obama’s sudden decision to play alpha male hubby is laughable at best, especially coming from a guy who doesn’t know how many states are in the Union, can’t tell the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls, and hasn’t a clue about the biggest nuclear waste clean-up in the country.

Does anyone love Obama and his anti-American shrew of a wife enough to tell them to go home? Or at least to show them a map of the U.S. so he can figure out where he is, and she can be distracted by connecting the towns with a magic marker?

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Houston Chronicle Calls ER’s Name “Evocative”

Now this amuses me.

“There’s nothing I love better than a clever blog name,” says Dwight Silverman, tech columnist for the Houston Chronicle.  Euphoric Reality made his list of favorite blog names–with the following caveat:

“I’m not quite sure what [the blog name] has to do with the war on terror, Iraq or immigration issues, but it’s an evocative name.”

Thanks, Dwight.  We’ll take it.  By the way…if you really think about it, it’s not that hard to figure out.  Euphoric Reality is a reference to the chasm between euphoria/matrix-like stupidity rampant in the general public, and reality–that elusive thing that is based in truth instead of fantasy or liberal ideology.  ER seeks to bridge the two.  Simple. :)

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Help For Parents Who Fight Over Which Gang Their Baby Should Belong To

I have officially heard it all.

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.

After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman said.”They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would ‘claim,’” Sandoval said.

Whoa, there.  What’s crackalackin’? Well, Mr. Joseph Manzanares, I realize that these domestic arguments can be really frustrating.  However, might I suggest a few pointers to help you and the missus get along together while raising the next generation of worthless gangbangers–which are probably also going to be supported by hard-working Americans like myself.  By the way…got a green card?

1. Get a vasectomy. This way you don’t have to worry about making any more children that some Crips member is going to want to raise all WRONG.

2. Watch Romeo and Juliet.  Those inter-clan lovefests really aren’t meant to work.  I know you might love how she looks in blue, and the way she flips you her gang signs makes you all hot and bothered, but let’s face it.  In the end, they both ended up dead.

3. Get a job.  I know pimpin’ is hardcore WORK, fo’ REALS yo, and I know it’s gotta feel good when you can just cut someone who’s up in your biz, but it’s way more rewarding to deal with the public when you can’t bust a cap.

4. Go to school and learn a trade.  And no, Mr. Manzanares, running crack, pimping out your Crip girlfriend, and using your child as a drug mule do not count as a trade.  Neither does swapping some weed for some crystal, yo.

5. Give up your child for adoption.  There are plenty of families who actually know how to raise children out there who would do anything to have yours.  No point in keeping the baby.  Besides, you made this one, so I’m guessing you’ll probably have some baby mama pushing another 5 out over the next 6 years anyway, just for the larger welfare check.

I hope these suggestions help out.  If not, you could always bust one last cap in your own head and save us the trouble of jailing and/or executing you later.

H/T: Polisicks, who broke it down, sucka.

“Sure, watching the lil one do a Crip toddle would look so cute but then again how cute would it also be to watch its’ lil fat fingers throw up the Westside sign?”

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Ann Coulter is a Goddess…

…at least this week she is. With her sarcastic wit and ease at finding the holes in her opponent’s argument, Coulter was at her best yesterday while hoisting Obama’s nutjob “pastor” Rev. Wright on his own racist petard.

Wright’s been complaining that everyone’s taking him “out of context.” Coulter takes that and runs with it. I almost snorted pop on my monitor when I read this.

It’s absolutely unheard of to repeat passages from famous speeches. In fact, I have a dream that we will not do that. Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask that the media stop replaying “snippets.” All we have to fear is repetition itself, because we are the people we’ve been waiting for to tear down that wall of endless repetition.

Just like Wright’s “snippets” leave no doubt of his meaning or intent, Coulter’s one liners are a thing of beauty.

In his speech to the National Press Club on Monday, for example, Wright described America as a country of “segregation, Jim Crow, lynching and the separate-but-equal fantasy.” Then he ran outside to feed more quarters into the meter where his time machine was parked.

I really do love this woman. Not only does Hillary probably have Wright on her staff by now, as Coulter suggests, but the Hilldebeast is probably doing sick and perverted dances of joy like below at the knowledge that a self-aggrandizing, racist, idiotic bozo derailed her opponent’s campaign.

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More Islamic Hacking Fun

Look what I found…it’s a proxy from our friends in Jordan and Saudi. You won’t mind if my friends and I use it, will you, my little goat-loving buddies?

By the way…I was reading your messages last night, you freaks. You know there are no 72 virgins, right? Hacking my site won’t get you more heaven, more grapes, or more poontang. But keep trying. I’m enjoying watching you.

Pig’s blood be upon you, your prophet, and your moon-god.

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Moonbats on Parade

TSO over at The Sniper has a fantastic laugh today. He works on K Street in Washington, D.C., and he had some visitors over his lunch hour.

A couple of things.
1) You people simply have no musical potential. I mean none. I realize you’re working with a bucket, but I’m thinking rhythm is not your strong suit. I’m Irish, I know lack of rhythm.
2) Your marching also sucks. It’s 9 to the front, 6 to the rear people. Eyes straight ahead. Now, some of you look borderline deformed, walking all Quasimodo style, but for the love of Spongebob, try to synchronize.
3) The F word is not what it once was. And whoever spent the better part of the last month finding rhymes for it needs to get off mom and dad’s dime. Seriously, you ain’t a poet, and everyone knows it. It gave me fits, because you rhyme like comprehensive immigration reform.

Read the whole thing. It’s worth it.

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President Obama and the International Crisis

One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. If that’s not funny enough, read the comments. They kill me.

HT: Blackfive

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The Moonbats and the Robot Bugs

Dear God, Misha cracks me up…but the story is hilarious too.

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Who Needs Parents Anyways?

I was browsing a blog full ‘o crap and found a link to this interesting, and slightly nauseating food review by Matt here in Houston.

Bue before we get to that, here is Houston’s lastest contribution to the we-care-so-much-for-YOU welfare state:

Houston-area children ages 1-18 can enjoy free healthy meals starting June 1 at one of the more than 200 HISD schools participating in the HISD Summer Feeding Program.

The program will last from Thursday, June 1, through Wednesday, June 28, and to be eligible, children need not be enrolled in HISD summer-school classes nor do they need to show proof of income or age.

Breakfasts will be served from 7:30–8:30 a.m., and lunches will be served from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Adults may also participate in the program by purchasing breakfast for $1.60 and lunch for $2.85.

HISD meals are nutritionally analyzed to ensure that children receive the vitamins, minerals, and calories required to maintain a balanced diet.

Matt, intrigued by the allure of cheap food dished up by the nanny state, could not resist and skipped on down for his fair share. Read his subsequent review of the delicacies, and about his little run-in with the school administrator.

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Accident: Graphic Photo

This just in from Ogre:

I received a photograph of an accident scene from Mustang. He adds:

Not one for the squeamish…

If you look closely you can see what appear to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.

I stayed on the scene to help and even though I performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, very few survived.

The photo is frightening, but go look anyway.

And then enjoy your weekend.

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Shoveling A Load

5,000 years ago Moses said, “Pick up your shovel, pack your ass, mount your camel and I shall lead you to the Promised Land.”

200-plus years ago, George Washington said, “Get off your ass, use your shovel, clear the land, grow plants for camels and it will be the promised land.”

Last week the Congress of the United States said “Si, Amigos, throw away your shovel, sit on your ass, light your Camels. We’re giving you the promised land.”

….Or something like that…

H/T: F. Martinez

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How Stores are Secretly Using Barry Manilow to Rob You

Okay, the title is a bit much. But the article is a riot. While I won’t be saying “I am not a hamster” next time I go to the store, I also won’t be so quick to buy on sale items.

I will, however, continue to sing along to the Barry Manilow and Air Supply.

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Day By Day Cartoon

(click to enlarge)

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Lazy Ramadi - Video

Check this out - you’ll be grinnin’!

Heh - I’ll bet Kit is thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’. ;)

BTW, the director requests a donation to help soldiers wounded in Iraq. Go to US Wounded Soldiers to help out.

UPDATE: MM found the backstory on the two Army sergeants in the video.

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Monday Morning Chuckle

This humerous op-ed column by David Brooks was published in the NYT in April of 2004. A friend sent it to me via email today and I thought it was pretty damn dunny and a nice way to start out a Monday morning.

Fly The Partisan Skies

The political divisions in this country being what they are, it’s not enough that liberals and conservatives have different radio networks, different Web sites and different networks of friends. In order to eliminate all possibility of trans-partisan conversation, I really think it’s time we stopped flying together. It’s time to set up two different airlines: Liberal Air, with direct flights between Madison, Berkeley, Ann Arbor and the New School for Social Research; and Right Wing Express, which will have planes with no oxygen masks in case of emergencies because anybody who can’t handle a little asphyxiation doesn’t deserve to live.

Liberal Air

The way I see it, every flight on Liberal Air (motto: Your Grievances Are Our Grievances) will take off 45 minutes late, or whenever people feel like leaving, with the ensuing late arrivals blamed on Karl Rove.

The planes themselves will be designed by a really interesting fuselage cooperative in Oregon. Seating will be divided between coach class, working class (mostly screenwriters in flannel shirts) and faculty.

The experience of flying on Liberal Air will be different than flying on normal airlines, and the company will be structured in different ways. For example, the frequent flier program will reward customers the less they fly, just to make things even. Airfares will be symbolic, since everything is paid for by George Soros. Pilots, who look disturbingly like Arlo Guthrie, will greet passengers at the door of the plane to apologize for the oil they are about to consume.

After the safety teach-in, mandated by the F.A.A. (”All bike messenger bags must fit in the overhead rack . . . in case of a water landing, your moral vanity may be used as a personal flotation device . . .”), there will be an inflight entertainment program, eliciting the complete range of highly attractive liberal emotions: rage, anger, disgust, contempt, pessimism, gloom and despair. For a full hour, passengers will watch Michael Moore movies; then for the next hour they will congratulate themselves for having a nuanced view of reality.

In addition, pilots will provide a running travel commentary over the P.A. system (”Ladies and gentlemen, if you glance out of the left side of the aircraft, you’ll be able to look down on the people of Kansas”), and there will be encounter sessions for Democrats who know in their heads they had to go with Kerry but who now miss the excitement of Dean.

Right Wing Express

Right Wing Express will have a different corporate culture. From the moment you walk into the airport (”Air traffic controllers? We don’t need no stinkin’ air traffic controllers!”) you will know you are in for a different experience. The special George Bush magnetometers will check for firearms, just in case someone isn’t packing, and will also peer into the soul of each passenger (Good Heart . . . Evildoer . . . Good Heart . . . Evildoer).

All passengers who pass through the membership committee will be awarded their own “Mission Accomplished!” flight suit. They will find the fares surprisingly affordable, especially if they fly up front, because first-class fares will have been drastically reduced in order to stimulate economic growth and the first-class meals will be especially lavish to give the hungry folks in coach an extra incentive to work hard and reform their lives.

All Right Wing Express flights will leave exactly on time, though for national security reasons the pilots will not reveal the identity of the destination cities. The Hummer-brand planes will have ample headroom for big-hair ladies, dozens of pews with easy access to the putting greens, and drop-down TV monitors, which will show libido-crushing abstinence education videos. There will also be ample bathroom facilities for heterosexuals of both genders.

Right Wing Express flights will not only land at airports, they will occupy airports. Passengers might sometimes find the flight attendants a tad abrasive (”You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall . . .”), but the cigarettes will be free and plentiful, and each passenger will be greeted with an appropriately conservative mantra, “Welcome to Right Wing Express, how can I help you help yourself?”

Conclusion

The purpose of having ideologically segregated airlines is obvious. For the past few years we have been happily hiving ourselves off into self-congratulatory reinforcement groups. None of us should be forced to fly with the lying, cheating, vicious dirtballs who make up the other side.

This line made me laugh out loud: “…your moral vanity may be used as a personal flotation device…” Bahahahahah!

BTW, didja catch the reference to the infamous Colonel Jessup rant from A Few Good Men?

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