Help For Parents Who Fight Over Which Gang Their Baby Should Belong To

I have officially heard it all.

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into the Hollywood Video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.

After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to. The teen mother, who is black, is a member of the Crips. Manzanares is Hispanic and belongs to the Westside Ballers gang, the woman said.”They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would ‘claim,’” Sandoval said.

Whoa, there.  What’s crackalackin’? Well, Mr. Joseph Manzanares, I realize that these domestic arguments can be really frustrating.  However, might I suggest a few pointers to help you and the missus get along together while raising the next generation of worthless gangbangers–which are probably also going to be supported by hard-working Americans like myself.  By the way…got a green card?

1. Get a vasectomy. This way you don’t have to worry about making any more children that some Crips member is going to want to raise all WRONG.

2. Watch Romeo and Juliet.  Those inter-clan lovefests really aren’t meant to work.  I know you might love how she looks in blue, and the way she flips you her gang signs makes you all hot and bothered, but let’s face it.  In the end, they both ended up dead.

3. Get a job.  I know pimpin’ is hardcore WORK, fo’ REALS yo, and I know it’s gotta feel good when you can just cut someone who’s up in your biz, but it’s way more rewarding to deal with the public when you can’t bust a cap.

4. Go to school and learn a trade.  And no, Mr. Manzanares, running crack, pimping out your Crip girlfriend, and using your child as a drug mule do not count as a trade.  Neither does swapping some weed for some crystal, yo.

5. Give up your child for adoption.  There are plenty of families who actually know how to raise children out there who would do anything to have yours.  No point in keeping the baby.  Besides, you made this one, so I’m guessing you’ll probably have some baby mama pushing another 5 out over the next 6 years anyway, just for the larger welfare check.

I hope these suggestions help out.  If not, you could always bust one last cap in your own head and save us the trouble of jailing and/or executing you later.

H/T: Polisicks, who broke it down, sucka.

“Sure, watching the lil one do a Crip toddle would look so cute but then again how cute would it also be to watch its’ lil fat fingers throw up the Westside sign?”

Send post as PDF to